To Heal and Let Go

Each one of us carry a lot of baggage. This baggage are emotional scars we received when we were very young. Most of the time we go through life not even knowing the baggage we carry. The baggage becomes who we are, and develops as our own self-identity. In some regards, it is why we continue to carry the baggage. We hold on to the baggage way too long, and soon enough, the baggage becomes way too heavy and too burdensome.

When couples come to see me, each believe the other is to blame for the deterioration of their relationship. What turns this believe around is when each person discovers the baggage they have been carrying all these years. Baggage that has nothing to do with their partner, but has manifested into issues that both need help sorting through.

We all believe that emotional pain from when we were younger disappeared as we matured. But the truth is, we buried it. And when couples begin to have serious problems, this pain rears its ugly head once again, and each realizes the baggage they brought into the relationship.

So, what do you do?

There will never be a time when dealing with baggage is simple. But every moment is a chance to heal the pain and slowly let go. Replaying mistakes or hurts of the past is scary and painful. It is not something you would choose to relive.

Here are three things you can do to begin the healing process.

Name it.
The first thing you do, is to identify your issue. What painful baggage are you carrying? Let me share an example. John’s parents divorced when he was 5 years old. All he remembers about their marriage was when they fought, his father would leave. He learned at an early age that when things get rough, you leave or walk away. John’s baggage was avoiding conflict.

Tame it.
The next step is to recognize when your issue surfaces. In John’s case, every time he fought with his wife, he would walk away. John became aware that when conflict occurred, he would leave. The next argument they had, John realized this behavior and decided to stay in the room.

Own it.
Once you are aware of your baggage, know that it is your baggage and not your partner’s. John believed his wife caused the argument, and it made him leave. He needed to own his actions of “walking away” and stop blaming her for causing an argument. Only when you begin to own your own issues and not blame others, your healing can truly begin.

Though this sound simple, it is far from it. Practicing these steps of healing will release your heavy burdens and slowly start to allow you to let go of the baggage.